Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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