I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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