did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Can i not drive my cunt home
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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