i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
