Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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