My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
