yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
