You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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