I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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