Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
