If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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