There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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