No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
