I just pynch a tree in the face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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