I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
