explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm always down for nudity.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
