So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
