Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
