If i come over, it means nothing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
