Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
