We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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