Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
