great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
