Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
