...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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