OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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