I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
