Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
