I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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