he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
