What a fucking waste of an outfit
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
