Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
