I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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