There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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