Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
