he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We smell like vodka and hangover
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