Soap is not a condiment
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
love makes seman taste better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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