She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My vagina is officially offended.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
