im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
