Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
