This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
