I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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