the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
