First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
