I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
