How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
