I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
