No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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