Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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