Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
