mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
