I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
