my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The power of my boobs compel you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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