Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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