I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
