ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
