He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
