Where did you get a picture of my penis
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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