dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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