she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
