Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
