just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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