I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
