I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
