Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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