If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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