a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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