Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
