I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
