I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
