Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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