when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
