yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
