I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
